You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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