About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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