I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
