Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she smelled like a LAN party
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
