I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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