So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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