we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
