theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
