i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
