This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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