he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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