goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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