when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
