My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
