shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
