3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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