apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
