Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
