my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize