Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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