I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize