i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
