So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
