Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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