So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
