I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
