On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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