i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
