Apparently you make a good broom.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
