if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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