mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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