That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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