the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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