I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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