we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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