You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
And then he peed in my hair
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