ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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