I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
