Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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