Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
