Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
