just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
