and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
