Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
