And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
