capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
