you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
