Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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