All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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