my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
