the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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