Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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