needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
