Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can you repeat that, but with context?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize