im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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