Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
