There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
