I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
