Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize