Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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