Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My penis needs a shock collar
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
